Saturday, July 27, 2013

Like that

I love you like that :)

Tucking me in to sleep when i am too tired to respond to anything or i just knock out while using the computer/phone. 

Checking if i have fever when you and i are both sleeping cause of my wisdom tooth ache. 

Trying to steal my baby bolster but failing :p

Saving up bit by bit and accomplishing things :)

Exploring unknown places of singapore together and holding our hands walking through all the weird streets

Eating soooo many food and being so full we feel like a balloon! (We are balloons :/)

Planning out greater things in life :D

Catching cheap thrills from the claw machine when we obviously dont really need soft toys but i want it so bad

Planning out our next holiday(sssss)

I love us like that :)

Monday, July 15, 2013

Cant you see


Turning my back against everything i want for myself, i chose you over every exhaustible option. But here we are again. I wish i could fight harder. So hard it pains you to see me hurt. So hard it'll make you stay and love me again like you used to. So hard i will be alive again. I miss you. And i miss me. 

🔨🔩🔧life under construction... Be back soon...

Lets try

To the last bit of my breath, i still want to try. I want to make sure the man i fell for would be the man i fell out of. No changes to him, just my own problem. 

I dont know if i will ever be okay if this doesnt work out again. Been broken too many times. Sometimes i feel like i can take on all the challenges someone up there is throwing at me, but other times, i just feel like a total wreck. 

Given my possibly unlovable self, perhaps i am not worthy of respect from others, nor do i deserve to be with other people. 

I just wish i hadnt had feelings. Maybe if you told me you dont want me anymore, things would be more straightforward. 

I'd be like "cool, thanks for your company these months" and off i go. 

But i love you. I loved you. I feel that i gave up on many things just to love you. I dont want all the things and sacrifices we made to be in vain. I believe you might make a good daddy to my babies, or maybe a good husband to me (well, at least from what you say you would do). 

Maybe not now, but in time to come. 

Why do i still yearn for you hug when i feel down? I dont know. I really feel like someone who you've played with enough and decided youre sick of. No more intimate moments, no more long talks, no more pillow talks, no more "i wait for you end tuition", no more "lets eat in, youd be the chef and i will wash up", no more ... Am i really expecting more?

Each time you hurt me i feel like im dying a little more inside. Fuck all the cheerful bullshit ive been trying to show. Fuck all the one way messages i try to send. Fuck myself. Fuck the world. Fuck life. 

If this isnt working out, i'll just work hard and be an escort. Good money, and i have no one else who cares, right? 

Night world. Night sanity. Night to the little children who are denied of a chance to see the world. Night night. 

Saturday, July 13, 2013


Blogged a sad entry about feeling unattractive and stuff, but decided to keep it as a draft instead. 

I'm young, I have more than you can offer, and I have no lack of suitors. For the millionth time, I am the ALL THAT. Perfect skin, perfect teeth, nice hair, dimples, big eyes and everything I will ever want in myself. Most of all - smart. Really, I am very narcissistic. More than i can accept. But how can i not accept myself? #peptalk #bitchy #gross, but .... #whatever ^^

People give up putting in effort cause they think they got you in their arms. That's when i like to prove otherwise. Just so this person seems to be in your arms now, they are probably there because of the person you show you can be when you are going after her. Keep it up boy, else you're gonna be nothing more than "one of em'". 

Why would you change? For the worse and all. Maybe that was who you were. Admittedly, i am a bad girlfriend. I am possessive, overly sticky, emotional, and maybe even hard to please. Cause i am a hopeless romantic. I still believe in this weird tingly feeling i get when someone tells me something sweet about "love" and all its variations. I love to watch passionate movies, watch people indulge in the blissful company of each other, and utter sweet nothings to each other all day. 

Twilight is the perfect setting. I would be Bella if there is an Edward for me. I know i sound absolutely disgusting but i am really the kind who gives up everything to be with someone else. Yea it might not be worth it at the end of the day, but YOLO! Why keep these things for tomorrow? Who knows if the next one's gonna be better? 

For now, i will just wish for my Edward to appear and maybe we can live happily ever after. And he can make me feel protected and I can feel like Bella. 

Oh Edward, how can i miss you when i might not even have met you before? :)

Thursday, July 11, 2013


太拥挤 我在你的世界里

Chances are, everyone's gonna make you angry/sad/negative/hurt you and make you feel less about yourself. 

Truth is, you gotta get up on your feet and pry open your eyes and heart. Learn to see with clarity. Hear what your heart says. Give up on people who are not worth it. Let yourself live a little. 

Find the value of people. And only let those who are worth it linger. 

In the end, I found only myself left. Not sure about you, but you can try. 

Sunday, July 7, 2013


How can you ask for someone to be patient when you dont even have a tinsel of tolerance, let alone patience for her?

How can you claim to love someone and yet act so heartlessly cruel to spew words of insult and disrespect to make her feel less than zero?

How can you. Of all people. Choose to hide things from her? 

I really dont know how long im going to stay sane for with all these repeatedly happening. I really wish i have to courage to just crash head down from a tall building or just slit open my fucking throat and see life seep out of my soul-less carcass. This feel worse than chewing on broken glass or having maggots devouring my insides. 


Monday, July 1, 2013

Things you should know about me

Lefty by choice. Born a righty. 

Write with left, but master hand is still the right hand. Uses chopsticks with left hand. 

I like to drink with a straw than to kiss the cup/mug/glass/whatever

I have very low self esteem at time. Other times I'm just an arrogant fuck who thinks i'm ALL THAT.

I wanna go to Bali and tan naked in my resort next to the pool. And drink coconut. 

I always want to binge drink/take sleeping pill when i'm unhappy.

I don't handle my emotions well. 

I cry a lot. I think thats kinda weak. But it helps with the release of the stored emotions. 

Prefer tall boys. Who are older than me. 

I keep a mental list of people who told me they like me. And i always remember how they confess. 

I want an ipad. But I cant justify the need for it.