Wednesday, July 23, 2014


I feel thankful because you arent here

Do you know how bad i was i wasnt even born sometimes? Being given birth gives someone a right over your life - you owe your whole life to them no matter what. You have to do everything you can to "be filial". 

I dont like that. 

I feel so unloved and uncared for that all i am is a machine. Oh, i need money, take it from her. Oh, you wanna study? NO. WORK. SO YOU CAN GIVE ME MONEY. If you wanna study you pay for it on your own. 

All i wanna be is happy. I'm sorry i am selfish for moving away. It hurts me every day but i can only do so much. I have only so much effort left in me and i really want to keep most of them for myself, for the one i love, and for the things i choose to do. 

I used to regret not working harder so i dont have to say sorry to anyone of you out there. But all i can say is i'm sorry now. Because i dont want you to live like me. I dont want to be like them. 

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Only human

Saw a funeral procession today and a lady crying so so so badly (the deceased's daughter, presumably) and uncontrollably i felt myself gag a little and a pinch of sourness of my nose. 

We're only humans tortured with pain. Pain of departure, pain of betrayal, pain of being human.