It's dark inside

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There's nowhere we can hide
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide

Don't get too close
It's dark inside
It's where my demons hide

Purpose

Everyone comes into your life for a reason. Maybe you came here to teach me to love myself a little more. More than i thought i should.

Maybe you taught me humanity. You taught me i treat others like how i treat you. 

You taught me friendship. We dont have to hangout 24/7. But we can still be there for each other and talk about endless things. 

I think you taught me the lack of value in money.

You taught me that people dont always mean what they say. Their hearts can be wrapped in peonies but their tongues laced with venom. See their hearts, not their tongues. They're still gold within. 

You taught me that i dont need someone else to validate my existence. I know how much of a gem i am, so why do i need your reminders?

I also learnt that 扮猪吃老虎 is more potent than being a tiger. 

And finally, i learnt that boys only wanna get into your pants. They're like fire commando ants on search for food, and once their appetite gets satisfied, you're just trash. Yes they might have a brain, but its only reserved for the one they truly love. And no, that isnt you. Nor you. Its someone else who's luckier. 

Not all of us gets Love. Its too plebeian to think Love is all around. Cause it is more ostentatious than you could imagine. In all its lavishness, there is simplicity. I dont understand that. Maybe i will one day. 

A selfie a day

It happens

Just wanna get so drunk and fall asleep immediately. And have the next day going on the same way. 

Same old habits, same old habits. Bye sanity. 

:/

Feels horrible sleeping on the bench. Feels horrible to go to a place like home but it doesnt have a place for you. Feels horrible to think you forgotten me. Feels horrible to be sick and look ugly. Feels horrible to over think. Feels horrible to know you dont care anymore. 

Chivalry is dead

http://jamesmsama.wordpress.com/2014/02/01/8-acts-of-chivalry-to-bring-back/

Out of so many males i've seen, theres only 1 who's walked to the other side of the car to open the car door for me and close it after me. 

Left a deeeeeep impression. 

According to this article then, this act should be done like a norm. 

Of course i know aint nobody got time to open the car door for you. Most guys probably think they are already being the bigger men by letting the girl in their cars. 

But if you're a male, lemme tell you this. Opening the car doors is impressive. Pulling the chair out for your date is impressive. Walking her to the door is impressive (if she allows it). Calling her just to hear her voice, or to ask her about mundane things...yes it is very impressive. 

Maybe i've never met a gentleman. Maybe chivalry is dead. P

Life's lessons

Today I learnt:

I'd give anything for good health.

Money seems important. Feels important. But in face of retaining my pretty face (ahem) or maintaining a good health, money becomes so superfluous. And so negligible. 

Was down with a virus invasion and an infection (which I didn't pay much attention to), and I started to run a fever (which I also didn't realise). My face was so swollen it scared me quite a bit. And the swell hurts like mad. I thought I wasn't gonna go see the doctor, but i got scared ......what if its a salivary gland stone?

So i went to the doctor i usually go...TAADAA: CLOSED. Damn?

Plan B: Polyclinic. Travelled (without my underwear lol) all the way to the polyclinic 4 bus stops away in my pyjamas. Waited for like 2 hours and finally got to "see" the doctor. He said many things which I didn't understand, then gave me a referral letter to the Ear Nose Throat specialist at NUH. 

Wait....

.

.

.

What?!

A specialist at the hospital?! :(!!!!

I was quite lost. And scared. And lost. And scared. Did I say I was lost and scared?

So I messaged my siblings and told them everything, and they thought I should seek a second opinion before heading to the specialist. 

"Yeah, why not" I thought. 

When I got home, I started imagining all the scary things that could happen. They're gonna cut open my face and leave a big long scar......and i have 2 possible options to this:

1) JUST DIE. Not gonna live with a scar. On my face. :,(

2) Operate, then go have plastic surgery. Legit, right? Never gonna risk having a less than perfect face. 

Then I began to be weak again. Cried a lot, and tried to sleep. But couldn't sleep despite feeling so tired. Then I decided to go see Nam Seng at Beauty World. He's an awesome doctor!

Travelled down on a long bus ride and started imagining bad things again. Yeah i'm a loser who cries on bus rides. Haha. 

And long story short? Dr Koh gave a different analysis and even showed me his medical book on what it is!

So relieved. So happy. 

And my day went on as usual. Had my meds (polyclinic gave me 60 tablets of pain killers although they rated my pain to be mild - 2/10. Yeah so frivolous right.) and continued my day!

Started to realise how important my face is to me. I mean.....everywhere is important. But if you let me choose between removing my toe nails or leaving a scar on my face, GO AHEAD AND TAKE ALL MY TOE NAILS. If i really have to choose. If. 

And yeah! Thats it :D

Gonna pop some pills and head to bed now. Tata!

Happy St Valentino's

And if all you wanted was Me, I would have given you nothing less 

E m p t y

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you'll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies

But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low
Only hate the road when you're missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
'Cause Love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
Cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep

---

E m p t y ?

Maybe. 

White

I love Doge!!!!!!!

Rage

Why dont kids be more grateful of what they have!!! I wish i can have an air con room, a tuition teacher, and a grandmother who cooks for me day in day out. 

Damn annoying to see them SO SO SO ignorant of the bliss they are in and instead choose to be a brat. 

Trying to blast music and read news to calm myself down in the bus, but all the primary school children and screaming and monkeying around. I can almost feel like kids these days are spreading cancer. JEEEEEEZZZZZZZ. 

On a lighter note, im gonna be able to hug potato in 30 mins! Cause his smile takes away every bit of unhappiness i have. Every time. COME TO ME, MY LIDDLE BAYBEE. 

Planning out my finances and i probably wont be able to take my bike license this year. Probably next year when i am almost done with studies, and i can finally be riding around. As much as i am thankful for our extensive and efficient public transport, i dislike being in such close proximity to people. 

People scare me. Sometimes. 

Okaydokay, calmed down a lot. End of blabber!

How to drive girls away

1) touch them when you talk to them. Cause girls totally love touchy boys. 

2) be creepy. Keep messaging them. Day and night. If they dont reply, spam. If it doesnt work, stand outside their window and sing. 

3) keep telling em how pretty they are. Keep doing that. Incessantly. And they'll know how much you have imprinted their images in your minds. Yeah. 

4) be weird. Say weird things. Tell them your masturbation routine. Your porno preferences. Your weird obsession of sodomising yourself. Or possibly how much of a regret that MDA's blocked your favourite website after you have paid the monthly subscription of $0.99. 

5) dont get any hints. Never ever. Even if she replies "lol k" or "k" or "haha" to ALL your messages, KEEP MESSAGING HER. cause y'know, its not irritating at all. At all!

The main thing is to be creepy. And weird. :D keep reading her blog too. She totally doesnt have a read tracker activated anyways. 

^_^

P/S: PLEASE NOTE SARCASM USED. DO NOT, DO NOT TAKE ME SO LITERALLY. PLEASE.