There she goes

Watching videos on wedding proposals because i need to let it out.
everyone has excess tears sometimes right?

wedding proposals never fail to make me cry. all the time.
i mean, its already hard to find someone who loves you, let alone, love you forever.

forever.

people love for the wrong reasons.
they think they know you, but in actual fact maybe not too much.
so many other factors to consider. but maybe i'm a fool. because i still believe in "us".

watched Xiaxue's wedding proposal on clicknetwork.
her words.....speaks my heart.
not an exact quote, but something that goes:
"before i met him,  never knew someone could love me. i'm so foul mouthed and all. but he does"
"very much" her husband added.

really fortunate.
i wish i can too.

you chose to struggle.
you chose to give up.
you chose to leave. again. and again.

at the end of the day, it's not about what i had/what i once thought i had. its about what i have.
and almost always, it amount to nothing.
any idea how much it pains each time you build up wall, let someone break through all of it, and you have to build up the wall again. brick by brick. so freaking painful but it happens.

i guess i'd never learn.

never knew i could hate myself so much.
really.