Suddenly

I feel thankful because you arent here

Do you know how bad i was i wasnt even born sometimes? Being given birth gives someone a right over your life - you owe your whole life to them no matter what. You have to do everything you can to "be filial". 

I dont like that. 

I feel so unloved and uncared for that all i am is a machine. Oh, i need money, take it from her. Oh, you wanna study? NO. WORK. SO YOU CAN GIVE ME MONEY. If you wanna study you pay for it on your own. 

All i wanna be is happy. I'm sorry i am selfish for moving away. It hurts me every day but i can only do so much. I have only so much effort left in me and i really want to keep most of them for myself, for the one i love, and for the things i choose to do. 

I used to regret not working harder so i dont have to say sorry to anyone of you out there. But all i can say is i'm sorry now. Because i dont want you to live like me. I dont want to be like them. 

Only human

Saw a funeral procession today and a lady crying so so so badly (the deceased's daughter, presumably) and uncontrollably i felt myself gag a little and a pinch of sourness of my nose. 

We're only humans tortured with pain. Pain of departure, pain of betrayal, pain of being human. 

人生 ”三” 乐

知足长乐

助人为乐

自得其乐

"The other woman"

Mantra

be with someone who gives u the same feeling of when u see ur food coming at a restaurant

My itsy bitsy tiny yiddle baby nephew

First teeth on: 9 June 2014

Am i?

Is it bad to move out from your family?

Is it wrong?

Is it unfilial? 

Is it selfish?

Wanna talk to someone about this and rationalise things. Feel so cooped up its killing me.